I love playing around with rhyme and meter. Here are a few of the little verses I’ve written along the way.

Cow on the Loo

A cow at home on the loo
is frowning down at her poo,
for every cow knows
that when she goes,
It’s meant to be brown, not blue!

I wrote this as a way to explore rounding diphtongs (/ou/, /oe/ and /oo/) with my students. We loved singing it!

The New Mayor of Ritchelplum

Along the streets of Ritchelplum
No one said a word
About the outcome of the vote
That named for mayor a bird.

No one had thought much of it
(‘Just a little lark!’)
When they saw upon the card
a box for Tweety Spark.

‘What a laugh!’ and ‘What a joke!
I think I’ll lend my vote.’
‘He wouldn’t win,’ the papers claimed,
‘A harmless prank,’ they wrote.

It seems they hadn’t thought or heard
Of Boaty Whats-its-name,
The ship which proved that, nowadays,
Voting’s just a game.

So if you ever think that ‘Surely,
‘Sensible’ wins out,’
Spare a thought for Richelplum
And practice healthy doubt.

Onion

Today I let an onion die
Beneath my knife. It made me cry
To think of months it grew and waited
Just to end up fried and plated.

Goodbye, Guest

Dear possum, I hear how you scratch through the attic
Searching for food, like a thieving fanatic.
I don’t know for sure if you mean to cause trouble,
But since you moved in, I’ve had noise levels double.

You thump and you wriggle, you patter and claw.
It’s impossible sleeping with noises galore.
The thing I hate most, though, is what’s left behind:
Pooing and running is not very kind.

So if you don’t mind, I would rather you went
To search out some other house (maybe pay rent).
I thank you for coming so kindly to stay,
But really its time that you, well, go away.

Tantrum

Today I threw a tantrum: it landed on the floor.
I gave it one humungous kick which launched it out the door.

I picked it up and ran with it right up and down the hall
then bounced it on the ceiling, knocking pictures off the wall.

The more and more I threw it round the more and more it grew,
until it filled the hallway so that no one could get through.

My brother slammed the door on it and hid inside his room.
My sister tried to make it pop by prodding with a broom.

But luckily my daddy came and caught it in a hug.
He whispered ‘Now I’ve got you,’ as he held it nice and snug.

He opened wide the window and we blew with all our might,
then watched it catch a gentle breeze and float into the night.

‘You know’, I sighed and whispered after quite a lengthy pause,
‘I think it understand now why we don’t throw things indoors.’